I’ve been thinking a lot about how easy it is to confuse visibility with progress.
Most executives I talk to feel the same pressure. More noise. More content. More competition for attention. And yet, despite all that activity, very little actually lands. Messages get skimmed. Outreach gets ignored. Even good ideas struggle to get traction.
In a recent conversation with Bill Cates, the idea that kept resurfacing was simple and uncomfortable: attention isn’t scarce because people are distracted. It’s scarce because most messages aren’t relevant enough to earn it.
What follows aren’t marketing tactics or communication hacks. They’re a set of patterns I walked away with that reframed how I think about relevance itself and why it matters far beyond sales or marketing.
The Real Competition Isn’t Your Competitor
Executives often talk about differentiation as if it’s a head-to-head battle with peers in the same industry. That’s an outdated frame.
The real competition is everything else competing for your audience’s mental bandwidth at that moment. I’m talking about email, meetings, internal pressure, personal obligations, and half-formed worries they haven’t even articulated yet.
In that environment, the brain defaults to one question: Can I ignore this?
Relevance is the only reliable way past that filter. And relevance doesn’t come from saying more. It comes from showing that you understand who you’re speaking to well enough that they recognize themselves in what you’re saying.
“Who” Comes Before “Why”
Purpose matters. Values matter. But they don’t do much good if they’re broadcast to the wrong audience.
One of the most useful reframes in the conversation was the emphasis on starting with who, not why. When leaders skip this step, they end up with messages that sound polished, but generic. They may be accurate, but they aren’t personal. And if something doesn’t feel personal, it’s forgettable. When you’re clear about who you serve best, three things change immediately: your language becomes more precise, your questions become more insightful, and your message becomes easier to understand because it mirrors how the other person already thinks.
That last point matters more than most people realize. The brain resists new concepts. It relaxes when it recognizes familiar ones.
Only Differences That Actually Matter
Most differentiation collapses under scrutiny:
“We care more.”
“We customize.”
“We’re responsive.”
All true. All irrelevant.
A difference only earns attention if it makes a meaningful difference to the person hearing it. That requires knowing their context well enough to understand what actually creates relief, confidence, or momentum for them.
One practical insight that stuck with me was this: if you’re not sure what makes you different in a way that matters, ask the people who already trust you. Clients often articulate value in language you would never use yourself, and that’s precisely why it works.
Give Your Clients a Seat at the Table
This isn’t about surveys or feedback forms. It’s about posture.
When teams develop messaging in isolation, they tend to drift toward internal language, internal priorities, and internal assumptions. Inviting clients into the conversation, even informally, forces clarity.
A useful test emerged from the discussion: if a client were sitting in the room while you were describing your value, would they recognize themselves in it? Would they feel understood or reduced to a transaction?
If the answer is no, relevance hasn’t been earned yet.
The Benefit of the Benefit
Most leaders can articulate benefits. Fewer take the next step.
Saving time, reducing cost, and increasing revenue are table stakes. What actually changes behavior is helping someone understand what that benefit changes for them personally.
Does it reduce pressure from a board? Does it protect a legacy? Does it mean fewer late nights or fewer unpleasant surprises?
You can’t answer that for them. But you can ask the question that allows them to answer it for themselves. That’s where relevance turns into ownership.
Research Is a Signal of Respect
One of the quieter but more powerful themes was the role of research. Not as a way to impress, but as a way to earn the right to ask better questions.
Doing your homework allows you to reference patterns, pressures, or industry realities that signal you’ve taken the time to understand their world. The key is not assuming your research is correct, but using it as a starting point for dialogue.
“Well-informed curiosity” creates momentum without manipulation. It turns a cold interaction into a relevant one.
A Final Thought
If I had to reduce the entire conversation to one principle, it would be this:
Relevance is not about saying the right thing. It’s about being so clear on who you serve that the right thing becomes obvious.
In a world where attention is cheap and trust is scarce, that clarity is no longer optional. It’s the cost of entry.
And the leaders who take the time to earn it don’t just get heard. They get remembered.